Mmmmmmm, second chances are good.
Since most of you who read this blog are people I talk to on a regular basis, I'm gonna briefly sum up what's been going on with K for the last week.
I felt like a giant tool for blowing him off last Thursday. I mean seriously mental. I was obsessing on having maybe ruined everything. Yes, I KNOW I said I wasn't interested - bear with me here. I decided to apologize for being a jerk and he said "It's OK." Me being the wonderfully contrary person I am, decided that that wasn't enough. I wanted to be back where we were. I missed hearing from him.
At this point I started to wonder if I wanted him to continue pursuing me because of the ego thing (which I believe I mentioned in a previous post). When there was no contact all day Friday, I was a mess. All I could think about was grabbing him and kissing him, potential awkwardness be damned. So around 10pm Friday night I sent him a text saying something along the lines of, yes I'm a tool but I don't want things to be like this. By 11:30 there was still no reply and I figured that was my answer.
OK, this is too detailed. 50 words or less time. He called me, we talked most everyday I was gone. Came over last night for dinner (after getting fired, poor thing), had some good convo, watched The Goonies, made out a whole lot. Yup, you read that right.
I dig this guy. The movie-quoting thing isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The kissing was gooood. The other stuff - also good. Nice girls don't kiss and tell. OK, you can stop laughing now.
15 November 2008
Familial Obligations
So I'm back from the land of cheese; lovely snowy miserable Wisconsin. Yes, as soon as we drove into WI, it started snowing. Blergh. At least I wasn't driving - though I paid my dues because it rained everytime I drove. Again, blergh.
As nice as it was to be away from work; the trip to WI was more duty than pleasure. I hadn't seen my grandparents since their 60th anniversary party back in '04 or so. My grandfather has been sliding down the slippery slope of dementia - probably vascular, not Alzheimer's. My mom and my uncle had both warned me about the changes to my grandfather, but I wasn't truly prepared for the complete lack of recognition. He doesn't talk much anymore, not that he was ever a chatterbox. That was more my grandma's job. He eats like he's starving and he used to be very precise and fastidious. My grandmother is doing the best she can, but I know it's all very difficult for her. She fusses and dithers and by the end of the second day I was thoroughly tired of being the cheery and good-natured granddaughter. I moved TVs, installed outdoor thermometers, pumped gas, and ate lots of raw veggies (Grandma is a BIG believer in the raw veg). By the time of our departure Wednesday afternoon, I was supremely grateful that my grandmother is not a fan of long, drawn-out good-byes.
I was hoping to have something mature and insightful to say about the inevitability of aging, but really, I am just sad. I'm glad I got to see my grandparents because, let's face it, at 89 and 90, it may have been for the last time.
As nice as it was to be away from work; the trip to WI was more duty than pleasure. I hadn't seen my grandparents since their 60th anniversary party back in '04 or so. My grandfather has been sliding down the slippery slope of dementia - probably vascular, not Alzheimer's. My mom and my uncle had both warned me about the changes to my grandfather, but I wasn't truly prepared for the complete lack of recognition. He doesn't talk much anymore, not that he was ever a chatterbox. That was more my grandma's job. He eats like he's starving and he used to be very precise and fastidious. My grandmother is doing the best she can, but I know it's all very difficult for her. She fusses and dithers and by the end of the second day I was thoroughly tired of being the cheery and good-natured granddaughter. I moved TVs, installed outdoor thermometers, pumped gas, and ate lots of raw veggies (Grandma is a BIG believer in the raw veg). By the time of our departure Wednesday afternoon, I was supremely grateful that my grandmother is not a fan of long, drawn-out good-byes.
I was hoping to have something mature and insightful to say about the inevitability of aging, but really, I am just sad. I'm glad I got to see my grandparents because, let's face it, at 89 and 90, it may have been for the last time.
06 November 2008
Fickle, thy name is Carrie G
After my not exciting date, I wasn't getting the same level of contact from K. That was fine with me. With any luck, he sensed the lack of interest/sparks and was willing to let things fade away. Then, for no apparent reason, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Not so much of the "oh, I suddenly loooooove him" variety. More of the "why isn't he pining for me in a visible, ego-boosting way?" variety. Yeah, I'm a bitch. (I also realize that I use quotation marks too much. Oh well.)
Why is it that when he started texting me again, I was annoyed? Wasn't I just thinking that he should be pursuing me regardless? That my lack of interest shouldn't have deterred him? Am I secretly desiring a showdown where I gently but firmly express my lack of attraction? I sure hope not. I suppose I could do what my dad suggested and tell K that office romances are a bad idea, but I feel like that leaves things too open-ended. Like I'm saying I would get with him if I got a new job.
Several of my friends have suggested using K to get mine. One friend said I should get mine while picturing someone else. Pfft, like I haven't done that before. And I have thought about it. Just overwhelming the awkwardness with a whirlwind sexual advance, riding him hard and leaving him a quivering pile of movie-quote-spewing man jelly. However, I forsee a couple of problems with that approach. One, that's just not nice. Two, if he's as inexperienced as I think he is (an unfair assumption, but again, oh well), it'll probably attach him even more firmly to me. That's kinda the opposite of what I'm going for. Three, I'm not about the awkward, potentially bad sex. I know there are people out there who will disagree, but to me, no sex is preferable to awkward, potentially bad sex.
I really should do the grown-up thing and tell K that I'm not attracted to him. It isn't fair to keep up the communication when I have no intention of taking things any further. BUT! I still have the niggling fear that I'm not giving him a fair chance. HOWEVER! Not attracted is not attracted, right? RIGHT?!?
Why is it that when he started texting me again, I was annoyed? Wasn't I just thinking that he should be pursuing me regardless? That my lack of interest shouldn't have deterred him? Am I secretly desiring a showdown where I gently but firmly express my lack of attraction? I sure hope not. I suppose I could do what my dad suggested and tell K that office romances are a bad idea, but I feel like that leaves things too open-ended. Like I'm saying I would get with him if I got a new job.
Several of my friends have suggested using K to get mine. One friend said I should get mine while picturing someone else. Pfft, like I haven't done that before. And I have thought about it. Just overwhelming the awkwardness with a whirlwind sexual advance, riding him hard and leaving him a quivering pile of movie-quote-spewing man jelly. However, I forsee a couple of problems with that approach. One, that's just not nice. Two, if he's as inexperienced as I think he is (an unfair assumption, but again, oh well), it'll probably attach him even more firmly to me. That's kinda the opposite of what I'm going for. Three, I'm not about the awkward, potentially bad sex. I know there are people out there who will disagree, but to me, no sex is preferable to awkward, potentially bad sex.
I really should do the grown-up thing and tell K that I'm not attracted to him. It isn't fair to keep up the communication when I have no intention of taking things any further. BUT! I still have the niggling fear that I'm not giving him a fair chance. HOWEVER! Not attracted is not attracted, right? RIGHT?!?
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