Dish Thoughts

It is amazing the kind of thinking one can do while washing dishes. Especially when it's 3 days worth and some of it is caked with bacon grease and cheese and...never mind.

As you know, I've been wading in a pool of self-recrimination for a good part of the afternoon and evening. Despite my resolve not to dwell on any stupid or thoughtless comments I have made today, I am unequal to the challenge. That's how infatuation works, isn't it? The crazy-hopeful thoughts, the dizzy highs, and the inevitable muddy lows.

So, as I was scrubbing out my pots, I was contemplating what it is I like so much about my cyberboy. I've already outlined the brains and the humor but another thought occurred to me: I want to learn from him. I want to find out what he's passionate about and see if it is something I have been overlooking. I want him to educate me about his interests and hobbies; to show me how he thinks.

I know that I'm not going to be interested in all the things he is. We may disagree about the best way to spend a Saturday night, or whether or not an entire box of Kraft mac and cheese is an acceptable dinner, but that's OK. As we all know, not everyone likes all the same stuff - each cat its own rat, right? It's just that I have this crazy feeling that he could help me become a better person. Or it's the infatuation chemicals.

Intellectual Crushes - Why I Hate the Internet

You may be goggling at my subject and wondering, "But-but-how could you hate the internet? It is a wonderful tool and helps pass the time when one should be a busy little worker bee." Granted, but I still hate it. This says more about me than the 'net.

Let me spin a scenario for you: You have a celeb-crush, whether it be actor, model, rock star. You happily spend your time Googling said crush. Pics become wallpapers and screensavers. You absorb the minutiae of your crush's life: bios, loves, hates. It is easy to embrace this mild stalkerism because celebrities are pretty much public property. What happens when you are crushing on a fellow commentator on a blog that you frequent?

Such is my dilemma. I am in love with someone's brain. His big, juicy, warped, and lovely brain. I am showing all the classic signs of infatuation: craziness, jitteriness, the desire to know every little thing about him. There is also the "do I comment on his comment?" and the "oooooo, he responded to my comment! yay!" I get the warm fuzzies when I read his blog. I get moments of panic when it seems he is referring to a girlfriend. I want him to want me for my brain, too.

Why is this a problem? It's only a problem in the same way any crush is a problem, I suppose. I worry that if I ever do meet him, I won't be smart enough. It's easy to be amusing, engaging, entertaining, and awesome when you're online because you have time to think. I've never made an especially good first impression on guys. What is snarky and fun online, comes across as bitchy and/or aloof in person. While I am aware of this problem, there have been times I have been standing outside of myself, watching it happen. I'm hopeless.

I'll admit that part of me hopes that one day we'll meet (not entirely outside the realm of possibility - he lives in my area, ish.) and he'll see only my sexy brain and the fact that I'm not hideously ugly will just be icing.

So, why do I hate the internet? Because it has introduced me to smart, funny people who share my interests and I have become hopelessly infatuated. Damn you, interwebs!