29 September 2009

The World Is My Laboratory

I wore a skirt to work yesterday. Nothing fancy; just a plain black skirt that hit me an inch or so below the knee. From the reactions of some of my coworkers, you would have thought that I was wearing a shiny leather micro mini with hooker heels. Anyway, in the spirit of my sociological forefathers and mothers, I decided to run a little experiment today. Depending on my observations, I could string this out all week.

Today, I put on mascara. Yep, I put on make-up in the name of science. See, if wearing a shortish skirt is an infrequent occurrence, the application of make-up is practically unheard of. While it's not quite going undercover as a Hell's Angel, it's definitely a deviation from my normal routine, and I'm curious to see if anyone make a comment.

Now, I'm not doing this to see how well people pay attention to me, in particular, it's just easier to do this solo. I'm thinking that if no one notices the mascara today, I may add eyeliner tomorrow. And if no one notices that, lip gloss the following day. I guess that point is to see how far outside my norm I have to go before it's commented upon. As of 1:30ish, no one has said anything. Updates to follow.

It is now after 5 pm and nothing. It would seem that mascara is a bit too subtle. Personally, I think it's a fairly obvious difference, but I did, after all, apply the stinkin' stuff.

25 September 2009


I was watching Wicked Attraction with a friend last night when I happen to look over at my cat. He was still very still in front of my hallway closet.

"Are you peeing?"

He glances at me and looks away. He doesn't move.

"Are you fucking peeing?!"

He doesn't move.

I go charging over to him and he flees away across the living room. I crouch down.

"Did he pee?" asks my friend.

I extend a trembling finger to a suspicious-looking dark spot on my apartment grade carpet. Wet. "Yes," I spit out, "he peed." I go wash my hands and grab the paper towels. I mop up his mess and spray carpet cleaner.

As annoying as this incident was, after the scares I had with him regarding the urinary blockages, I was glad that he was peeing. I only wish he had done it in the litter box. I can't help but wonder if that's just his spot to pee and that was the first time I caught him in the act.

22 September 2009

Mea Culpa

I'm sorry, company that provides me with employment. I never should have said that you don't care about your employees. You have proved to me that you have a conscience and I am ever so sorry to have doubted you.

Behold, my friends: The company-branded mug, with company mandated lid! (pic to follow) It doesn't slice, it doesn't dice, but it will insure that there will be a line of people waiting impatiently at the kitchen sink to wash out their official mug. With lid.

I have to wonder, in all seriousness, how much this is really going to offset anything. I understand that we go through a fair amount of disposable cups and lids, but is the extra use of hot water going to negate our trash-reduction? I don't know the numbers so I'm not making any claims.

In other my-company-really-cares news, we are now getting company paid basic life insurance and long-term disability. Everyone I tell says "That's good," but I'd much rather have had a raise. I wasn't paying for either of those before, mostly because I don't have any dependents. Well, the cats, but I'd assume that my parents would take (temporary) custody and my investments would provide plenty of kibble.

14 September 2009

No Good Deed...

I try to be a good person - Stop laughing! Seriously, stop! OK fine, I'll wait until you're done...

Better? Good.

Anyway, I was at the light at Red Lion and Philmont this morning and there was a car in the left-hand turn lane. I notice the passenger crane his head around and, dammit, I should have been looking in the other direction. The passenger makes the universal sign for "I'm a dickhead and got into the wrong lane. Will you be a sucker and allow me to cut in front of you when the light changes?" I gave the "Fine, but I'm not going to smile about it" head jerk. Mistake.

First of all, if someone is nice enough to let you in, you do it with alacrity, right? Don't get all wishy-washy and dither about. This person was NOT efficient. Then they went slowly and loopily down the road. I had hopes that they would go left at 232, but no. They made a, yep, slow and loopy right-hand turn onto 232 and failed to accelerate. I thought for sure they were going to come to a stop and I was going to have to curse loudly. They did not stop, but neither did they exceed 25 mph. Mind you, the speed limit on that road is never lower than 35, except in the one school zone and it was well past that time. So we go putt-putting past Bryn Aythn and Cairnwood and then, blessings upon us all, their left turn signal comes on just before Byberry. Yes, my punishment is ended! Alas, no, it was not quite over.

Instead of making a left-hand turn and relieving me of my ill-conceived good karma gesture, they stop. that's right. Dead. Stop. There was no oncoming traffic. There was no fluffy little bunny in the middle of the road. I can only surmise that there was a vortex in the space-time continuum that only awful drivers could see and they were searching for the best way to avoid getting sucked into a parallel dimension. Luckily for me, I am not a terrible driver (and yes, I know everyone thinks they are a good driver. Just roll with me on this one.) and I was far enough behind them that I could swerve around them on the shoulder. I checked my mirror a couple yards past them, and they were still sitting cluelessly in the middle of the road.

Before you decide that I'm completely uncharitable; I do understand that people get lost and drive around aimlessly like stupid-faced sheep. There is no shame in being lost, just do it with authority please. You don't lose points if you have to circle the block, or double-back. Some of us are familiar with the area and are on our way to work and do not want to get all pissed off (mostly at themselves) for letting some dope cut in front of them at a red light. This is why people are mostly out for themselves.

08 September 2009

Back From Holiday

(Did you read the title in a British accent? No? Go back and try that. Pretty cool, huh? Hey, leave me alone. I'm coming off of a really long weekend.)

Exciting news on the cheap gas and made-to-order sandwich front. There is now a gas-station Wawa around the corner from me on Bustleton. Which is fantastic because my car loooooves Wawa gas. And it can be right on my way to work. Until this Wawa opened, I had to go to either Grant (not convenient), or up to Trevose (only occasionally convenient). I made a stop this morning and promptly drove over the short median in the entrance/exit. Luckily for my ego, I saw someone else do exactly the same thing. I may be a doofus, but I'm not the only doofus.

On a side note, I saw a Pepto-colored Neon this morning. Isn't that a sign of the Apocalypse? Lo, the cars shall become colors not naturally found in the world and the Almighty shall look down and be displeased. I mean really, who thinks that anything (other than Pepto) should be Pepto-colored? I wonder if it's the same person who told Dave & Buster's that Pepto pink would be a fantastic choice for the ladies' room?

I realize that it has been an unusually long time since my last post. Part of the reason is because I'm trying my hand at short story writing. I even entered a contest! I haven't heard anything about being named a finalist or anything, but at least I tried, right? Of course, I'm now completely paranoid that I forgot to include my email, or typed it incorrectly when submitting my entry and the judges actually LOVE my story but can't get a hold of me. I even had a dream that they read my story on the air (NPR bitches!) and said "If you wrote this story, please call in and claim your prize." Then, after I woke up, I wondered just how I would prove that I did indeed write the story. It's not like I could supply a DNA sample or anything. And it's such a random little story. I don't think you could even compare it to other stuff I've written. Especially not the water torture story. That is NOT a sweet little slice of life. Oh, and before anyone gets all "Woohoo! A writer!" I haven't submitted anything to any sort of publication, or written more than an handful of stories.