Happy Fucking New Year

If I haven't said this before, let me say this: I do not like New Year's Eve/Day. I've had some crummy New Year's experiences, so I decided a long time back not to bother with any sort of enforced merriment. I'm perfectly OK with chilling at home, maybe having a drink, and forgetting what day it is. Last year, I got so wrapped up in my book that midnight passed me right by - and good riddance. And it would seem that this year is no exception.


I woke up this morning and looked out the window. It had snowed some, but it didn't look too bad. I figured it would be slow going, but nothing I couldn't handle. As I crept out of my parking lot, I noticed the roads were a little slicker than I first thought, but still not too bad. I made the right onto Red Lion and immediately noticed an accident on the other side of the road. Then, as I crested the hill, the car slightly ahead and to the right of me skidded, pulled a 270 degree spin, and ended up sideways across his lane. Bummer.

Things weren't so bad until I crossed over Pine and headed down towards the train tracks and Philmont. The cops had blocked off the road and all traffic was being routed into a neighborhood. Unfortunately, I had no idea if there was a way through back to Pine, or if I was going to have to turn around and backtrack. A shit-ton of people had already entered the neighborhood and it was a bit of a mess. The road went down a hill and I had the thought: I sure don't want to go down that hill just to find out that it dead-ends and I have to turn around and try to back UP the hill. Yeah, I should have listened to the little voice and turned. the fuck. around.


I made my slow way down the hill and the road comes up on the train tracks. At this point, I figure that the road dead-ends and decide to turn around - along with half a dozen other people. As luck would have it, there is a jam of crooked cars and a Pepsi truck blocking the way out. It would seem that I was well and truly fucked. Then I have the brilliant idea to check the GPS and see if turning around (again) would help at all. Indeed it would. So with the Pepsi truck creeping up on me, I turn BACK around and coast down the hill and around the curve. Then, as if this hadn't been a big enough pain in my ass, the road promptly went uphill again. Still, I was doing all right...until a lady at the top of the hill got stuck and I had to stop. Not a happy development. I tried to bang it out, but it got slippery and I started to skid. I ended up slanted across the road. Not quite blocking it, but definitely not pointed in the right direction. So fuck it. I took the car out of gear, set the parking brake, took off my seatbelt. I sent a text message to a coworker to give an update on my situation. Then I notice that the oil delivery truck that had been parked across the street was attempting to leave. I had high hopes for him, but almost immediately his wheels started spinning. I kept my eyes on him, hoping that he wasn't going to slide across the road and blow up me and my little Rabbit. He stopped before that happened (obvs).

I decide it's time for a cigarette. I get out of the car, and lo! the salt truck was coming through! He made a pass and I figured I'd give it a few minutes and then try to extricate myself. I step around to the passenger side of my car, which I had managed to at least straighten out, and notice a GIANT FUCKING DENT behind the passenger side door. What the bloody fuck? When had that happened? I sure hadn't hit anything. I think back and maybe remember hearing a bang last night, but memory is a fickle thing and who actually knows what may have happened. 'Sides, I don't investigate every random noise I hear outside my apartment. Might have to change that policy. Now I have calls to the insurance company to make, a body shop to find, blahblahblah. The damage isn't awful, but I'm still mega pissed.

I finished my cigarette and got back into the (wounded) car. A cop comes over to me and asked if I could make it out. Dunno officer, but I'm sure as shit going to try. Not only am I angry about my poor car, but I had to pee. I put the car into gear, slip the clutch and my wheels spin. I tried again while the cop yelled helpful things like: Cut left! LEFT! You got it! LEFT! I did have it and I crawled out of that fucking neighborhood. If the universe has a twisted sense of humor, and I believe it does, I'm going to end up living there one day.

Things were measurably better out on the main roads and I made it to work, no problem. The parking lot was a bit shit, but I was expecting that. I think the name of the company they use to clear the snow is "Half-assed Plowing". Or, "You Give Us Money, We Do Nothing". I smoked another cigarette and then go inside to find out that my project coordinator has been telling people all kinds of wrong stuff about what happened to my car and where I got stuck. My coworker and I decided to run with it and started telling people that I also gave birth to twins while stuck and had to leave them in a dumpster. Just to see how far we could take it.

Anyway, that's my day so far. One bit of good news: I get to leave at 4 and JR said she would come over to cheer me up and we can play really old Trivial Pursuit. That's my idea of a new year's celebration.