My 1st Ever Olympic Commentary

I, like many others, watched the opening ceremonies for the Olympics on Friday night. For anyone who didn't watch; it was quite the spectacle. And just in case anyone wasn't aware of this, I'll reiterate: China has a lot of people. There were 15,000 individual Chinese people participating in the ceremonies. Which brings me to the theory I developed Friday night.

I don't think that China was given the Olympics. I believe that China took the IOC hostage and said: "Look, we're gonna take the Olympics for 2008. And you know what? It's going to be ALL Chinese people. Oh, it'll look like all the different countries are participating, but really, it's all gonna be Chinese people."

Of course, since I was a little baked that night, I took it even further. I decided that the Bird's Nest (the crazy stadium the ceremonies were held in) was made out of Chinese people. People dressed as concrete and girders and other building materials; standing on shoulders, arms linked. Then, as if confirming my suspicions, a mess of Chinese people, dressed in yellow leotards with strands of lights attached to them, ran to the center of the stadium and stood on each other's shoulders, linked arms and (extra emphasis needed) MADE THE BLOODY BIRD'S NEST! I am convinced that it was the Chinese people's way of admitting that everything Olympics was made of Chinese people.

I don't suppose that I need to tell you that for the rest of the night, everything was made of Chinese people. The athletes? Chinese people. The fireworks going off left, right and center? Yeah, Chinese people. When the girls holding the flags get tired? Reinforce them with Chinese people. Huh, I guess I told you anyway.

On a more serious, but not unrelated note, someone needs to invent a TV that has the option to mute commentators. Matt Lauer and Bob Costas went from fawning to condescending in the space of one sentence. I forget which country(ies) they were talking about, but comments were made about how that country probably wouldn't win a medal, and so-and-so hasn't been training for that long so that person pretty much has no chance of winning a medal. Shut the fuck up, Matt and Bob. Where's your spirit of Olympic cooperation? Oh, they were more than happy to tell us that there were so many Chinese people who worked so hard to make the 2008 Olympic successful, but god forbid that a single athlete from a less developed country make a showing. Surprises happen, assholes.