OK, I officially can't stand it any more. People suck. Time for a "how to" list.
Here's the scoop: I do voicemail retrievals for my company. We handle several helplines for various pharmaceutical companies and also do preliminary screening for clinical drug trials. This adds up to anywhere from 25-30 different voicemail boxes. The lines are tested twice a day - once in the morning when they open, and again in the evening when they are closed. It's annoying listening to 50+ test calls, but those are easy to log, and then I get to delete them.
No, the problem lies with the American consumer and their inability to shut the fuck up. I get that you are having an issue with the packaging on product X. Please don't tell me how you used your teeth/fingernails/pocketknife/sewing scissors to open said package. Just leave your name and number and a brief description of your problem. For example: My name is Jane Doe. My phone number is 555-555-5555 and your packaging sucks. Please call back after 11am Monday through Friday. I have to transcribe your message verbatim. I am a better than average typist, but I'm not super stenographer woman. I am not allowed to abbreviate or use any sort of shorthand.
Oh, and people? When you are leaving your name and phone number could you please speak slowly and clearly? Yeah, that would be great. If your name is unusual, or foreign, please spell it. I get all sorts of shit from various supervisors and senior VPs if my transcription is unclear. Before you ask - yes, I can listen to the message multiple times, but ask me if I really want to. Don't you get annoyed when people leave rapid, unintelligible messages on your voicemail? Yup, that's what I thought.
Remember, the voicemail is not your therapist. Please don't ramble on about how your insurance doesn't cover the drug, or your pharmacist is unsympathetic when you try to use an expired coupon. Name, number, brief description of issue, and best time to call. Don't call back all salty because one of our nurses called you at 11 a.m. and you were at a doctor's appointment. We are not mind readers.
For those people calling for clinical trials; please don't give a rundown of your medical history. There are call center reps who will take you through the questionnaire to determine if you are eligible to proceed to the next step. I don't need to know about your lupus, medication history, family history of drug abuse, or any deaths in your family. Name, number, best time to call. Say it with me now. Short and to the point.
Think of this as a general primer for good voicemail etiquette. I, and all other transcriptionists, thank you.
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