SHARK ALARM!

That's right, folks.  It is time for another crap movie review.  This time we will be learning about Shark Attack in the Mediterranean, aka Shark Alarm.

This fine example of German cinema takes place in Majorca.  You can tell it was a crap movie in German, and the truly pitiful English dub track only makes things that much worse(better).

There is a legend, a revenge arc, a rebellious daughter, and a love story.  Oh, and car chases.  At one point in the second half of the film, it tries very hard to be a spy caper.  Something starring Meg Ryan from the 90s maybe.

Sven is a tour guide type dude, I think.  He has a Jeep and a helicopter.  We are introduced to him as he is going to fetch our fetching microbiologist from the airport.  Can we say "instant chemistry"?  She works with sharks and he used to be a professional swimmer, "one of the rough ones".  Whatever that means.  Sven has a surprising amount of knowledge about sharks because his wife was eaten by one.  What?  Doesn't everyone immediately become an expert on the terrible monster that killed their spouse? 

Sven ferries the sexy doctor to her underwater lair, I mean, lab, but not without a pit stop to rescue the rebellious daughter and some tourists from something.  A something that frightened away regular sharks.  What ever could it be?  According to the awful dub work, it is a Mega-lodon.  There are some emphasis issues.

Since everyone knows sharks hold the key to all sorts of medical mysteries, the scientists are using sharks to find a cure for cancer.  I'm all for that.  Cancer sucks.

After the fine doctor is deposited at the lair, Sven encounters a doped up fisherman who saw the giant shark (Mega-lodon) eat a regular shark.  Oops, almost forgot about the reporter in pursuit of the big story and her shady-looking cameraman.  People on boats everywhere.  Anyway, Sven freaks out because he knows this is the same Mega-lodon that done eated his wife lo these years ago.  So Sven, in some of the finest Jeep abuse ever, races to the beach where his rebellious daughter, Maya, is competing in a Jet-Ski race against a snooty blonde chick with prominent nipples.  Dad does a spectacular job of clearing the people out the the water by yelling, in a not very concerned tone, "Shark alarm! Shark alarm!"  He says this about 30 times and barely changes his inflection.  Of course, there is no shark and his daughter gets all pissy because he made her lose the race.

Sven confronts his cop-friend-with-a-dying-wife about not telling everyone about the Mega-lodon.  Cop friend apparently is also president of the Camber of Commerce because he can only think of the tourists cancelling their trips.  Mustn't let all that foreign money dry up.  That is far, far more important that people being eaten.

Sven vows to kill the monster that done eated his woman and breaks out his old school shark-hunting kit.  Then there is an arrest, a break out, a madcap chase in a Fortwo through the streets of Majorca, and an encounter with a fat man surrounded by women who gives up his sweet ride in the name of shark killing.  Sven and pretty doctor are on the same side by now, and are rushing to stop the head scientist from capturing the megalodon. 

I gotta say, I'm kind of with the head scientist lady here.  She is looking for a cure for cancer, for fuck's sake.  I don't think that Sven's desire to sushify the megalodon to slake his thirst for revenge should take precedence. 

Sven and attractive doctor have the crew of the boat at gunpoint and are preparing to fire explosive-tipped spears at the megalodon.  Uh-oh, turns out that the cop-with-a-dying-wife is on the side of the scientists because his wife is dying of cancer.  Will the cop kill Sven, his BFF, in order to save his wife?  (Let us ignore the fact that cop's wife looked seriously end-stage, so even if they get their shark samples, wifey's gonna kick it looong before a cure is viable.)  Begin fisticuffs.  Crash, bang, boom, and evil scientist is munched by giant shark.  Irony?  Cue heartfelt speech from Sven to cop friend.  Cop friend realizes the error of his ways and massages Sven's face in apology.  Many spears are fired at the megalodon but not before he rams the shit out of the boat and some gas lines are severed.  Cop friend valiantly volunteers to stay on the doomed vessel and shoot more spears should the megalodon reappear.  Which it does...at the big Jet-Ski race!

Once again Sven is rushing to save his rebellious daughter.  See, bitchy blonde cut rebellious daughter's fuel line!  Of course, our megalodon friend is fast approaching.  Luckily for our hero and his progeny, sultry doctor is a capable helicopter pilot.  This leaves Sven free to do some dangling and jumping and quick fuel line fixes.  Daddy and daughter are safely back in the 'copter and megalodon is making its last attempt to eat Sven's entire family.  Sven, that former body-building motherfucker, fires a spear right down megalodon's gaping maw.  Shark guts everywhere.  But look out! rebellious daughter has fallen into the water.  Sven does his rescuing thing, again, and daughter wakes and immediately starts panicking.  Dad shoulda knocked her out again so she wouldn't damn well drown both of them.

Final scene: Sven and lovely doctor are scuba-ing through the wreck of a boat that is supposed to be haunted (the legend mentioned above) and make with the underwater nookie.  Ende.

Movie Review: The A-Team

Do you enjoy wildly implausible situations?  Does it make you happy to hear Liam Neeson strive mightily to suppress his Irish accent?  Do you love it when a plan comes together?  Then The A-Team is the movie for you!  As always, spoilers may lie within.

The extended opening credits introduces you to the members of The A-Team: Hannibal (Neeson), B.A. (Jackson), Face (Cooper), and Murdock (Copely).  Hannibal and Face are on a mission to deal with some Mexican general.  Face, of course, got caught boning the general's hot wife.  Hannibal is about to be fed to the dogs but, of course, he has a plan to escape. 

Hannibal encounters B.A. shortly after B.A. has pulped a bunch of Mexican car thieves.  Not because it was the right thing to do, but because he had been dishonorably discharged (more on that later) from the Army and needed something to pay the bills, so he turned to jacking cars for a chop shop.  B.A. retrieves his beloved van and takes off across the Mexican desert.  Hannibal carjacks B.A., they bond over Ranger tattoos and race off to save Face from a smelly death-by-tire-fire. 

The still-incomplete Team makes their way to a hospital, where Hannibal has a pilot (go on, guess who) lined up to take them back into the US.  Predictably enough, the Mexican baddies track the Team to the hospital, where Murdock, a patient, has just finished stitching up the bullet wound that B.A. got when Hannibal jacked him.  B.A. gets all Hulk-smashy when he see the lightning bolt stitched into his massive biceps.  Murdock says craaaazy things in a wide variety of accents.  The Team loads up into an old hospital chopper and has a batty, upside down, engine-stalling chase back to the US border.  It is this helicopter ride that ruins flying entirely for B.A.  And that's the Team.

Cut to 8 years and 80 successful missions later.  The Team is in Iraq.  Somehow, even though I swear he said he was dishonorably discharged, B.A. is back in uniform.  Feel free to correct me if I misheard.

Enter Lynch (Patrick Wilson) and Sosa (Biel).  Lynch is a shady CIA operative who tempts Hannibal into taking a job retrieving missing hundred-dollar minting plates.  Similarly, Sosa dangles the job in from of Face, who she (shockingly) has history with.  A plan comes together.

I did quite like how they would lay out the plan and cut to scenes of the plan going down.  Hannibal has a seemingly endless supply of little model cars, trucks, copters, missiles - you name it.

Oh, I should probably mention that there is a private security firm in the picture, Black Forest.  How's that for subtext?  The chief sleaze is a dude named Pike (Bloom).

All is happy, laughing congratulations until someone blows up Major Dad and steals the plates from the Team.  You see Pike & Co. walking away from the wreckage so there's no question there that the Team was framed.  Which, like, duh.  That's the idea behind the A-Team, no?

Court marshal happens.  Team members are shipped off to different Army facilities.  six months pass and Lynch visits Hannibal in jail and offers to help him break out if Hannibal and his Team can retrieve the plates.  Of course Hannibal and his Team can retrieve the plates.  They are the fucking A-Team!  There is also a promise of name-clearing and reinstatement.

During the ensuing escape montage, you learn that B.A. has found inner peace and won't be killing anymore.  Murdock is still "Howlin' Mad", and Face managed to bang his female guard.  Who says the Army lacks discipline?

While I wasn't thrilled that they shoe-horned in a vaguely romantic subplot, I do have to admit that it was a very small part of the overall "plot".  Biel plays her part as an ambitious DOD lieutenant well enough, I suppose.  I don't much like her in general, so I have nothing more to say on the matter. 

For those of you looking forward to the parachuting tank scene, it is even more far out than you think.

OK, this is taking too long, so quick and dirty time. 

Plates are located, in Pike's possession.  Sosa is hot on the Team's trail and they use her and the two dudes who follow her around to set up the ultimate showdown at the Port of Los Angeles.  Which is also where The Losers climax plays out.  PoLA is the new New York?  There are massive cargo containers everywhere, splosions, a Kevlar helmet, some fisticuffs, and then the final reveal.  Yes, the A-Team saved the day,and yes, they are once again carted off to prison.  Luckily for our Team o' heroes; Sosa, in a wildly inappropriate move, passes a handcuff key to Face via her sexy tongue action.  But of course - there's gotta be room for a sequel.

Bottom line?  The movie is very enjoyable and loud and testosterone-y.  Copely steals the movie as Murdock, playing him with surprisingly convincing moments of lucidity, tempered by bat-shit insanity.  As I said earlier, Neeson has trouble with the American accent, but I like him enough that it didn't ruin things.  Jackson did a decent job as a first-time actor.  He managed to play B.A. with some depth, but didn't try to be a whole lot more than a big tough dude who occasionally struggles with being a big tough dude.  Cooper was fine as Face and they had him shirtless quite frequently.  Wilson slimed entertainingly across the screen and had some nice repartee with Pike, and with the Team.  As long as you go into the theater knowing that all you're getting is slimy bad guys, splosions, and testosterone, you'll have a fine time.

Movie Review - The Losers

Went to see The Losers last night with the new boy.  I had read several reviews of the movie that said it was your basic blow-shit-up flick, which we all know is my favorite kind.  Oh, spoiler warning, just in case.

In the interest of full disclosure, I don't know the source material at all, so I can't comment on how faithful the movie was.

There is no clear reason why these fellas are "The Losers".  The head dude, Clay, refers to them as "Losers" once during the movie.  And there is one conversation about why Clay doesn't want to be called Colonel anymore: "...because if he doesn't have the Army, then he's just a loser like the rest of us."  There's more to that conversation, but it's not especially important.  And I know I used quotes, but it's really paraphrased.

The movie opens in Bolivia, where the crew is marking a drug lord's estate for bombing.  You are introduced to the "The Losers" in comic book panel style; with their handle (Jensen, Cougar, Roque, Pooch, Clay) and their speciality.  No explanation is offered as to the origins of said handles.  It's probably goes without saying, but the attack on the drug lord's compound doesn't go as planned.  The Losers decide to abort the mission.  Turns out, a shadowy figure named Max had reasons for destroying the drug lord and intercepted the Losers' abort order.  Losers are framed for a massive loss of life and are stranded in Bolivia, while everyone in the States thinks they are dead.

Clay is obsessed with finding out more about Max, while the rest of the Losers just want to clear their names and go home.  Enter Zoe Saldana (Aisha); beautiful (duh) and mysteriously rich, and willing to bankroll the Losers in order to get her hands on Max.

I should probably mention that Max is in the process of buying a weapon called a "snook".  It's sort of a bomb, and sort of a tornado generator, and mostly a huge pile of crap.  Shiny, though.  Max has a side-kick named Wade who doesn't seem to know much about anything and is mostly used to toss people off buildings (accidentally) and guard "packages".

The Losers concoct a plan to abduct Max.  Doesn't go so well.  There is some internal strife, especially between Clay and Roque.  Then (oh no!) it seems like Aisha set them up.  Roque wants to kill her, but Clay, who has a weakness for volatile women, says no.

Have I mentioned the explosions?  There were explosions.  Thankfully, the movie never tries to be more than it is, and they avoid shoveling plot into the mix.  There is one bit with Max and his mangled hand that has no earthly reason for existing, but they mostly avoid such things.

And yes, it was left open for a sequel, but I honestly don't see that happening.  Aisha and Clay have unfinished business (I know I didn't talk about that), Max is still loose, and the Losers still haven't cleared their names.  I figure that people who saw the movie without knowing the source don't particularly care about resolution (you so don't get that kind of invested in the characters); and the people who saw the movie because of the comic already know how it plays out.

Another Crap Movie Review

Last night was Wawa and crappy movie night. Wawa was up to its usual standards. The movie, well, that was a new level of crapiness.

We watched Mortal Passions. Side note: there really should be a separate category under "Free Movies" in the On Demand section. Something called "Crappy Movies that are Crap" might work. Back to the movie. The premise of the movie is this: money-grubbing, cheating whore of a wife wants to off husband (played by Zach Galligan of Gremlins fame) for insurance money. Wife has plan to fake depressed husband's suicide with cokehead lover but is interrupted by the arrival of husband's older brother. To add a little drama to the drama, the brother and the wife don't get along. Oh noes!

To be fair, the movie is a product of the era, which was late 80s, early 90s. I'm talking about scrunchies and low ponytails with fluffy bangs, denim shorts cuffed at the knee, fucking Z Cavariccis! Seriously, even the older brother used a scrunchie to hold back his "I'm a rebel" long hair.

No one is safe from the wife's vagina. After the brother follows her to the lover's condo and then shoots the lover; the wife rubs herself on the brother until all his brains run into his dick and they fuck on the bed while the cokehead lover chills in the corner. Then comes the obligatory wrap the corpse in garbage bags and duct tape and toss in the trunk of the car. Then, then! they proceed to bury the dude in the backyard of Gremlin's guy house! Sure, the guy was doing some landscaping to work through his issue so there was a hole waiting, but really? Really? Really.

Of course things spiral out of control. The husband, who had only suspected cheating up til this point, has his suspicions confirmed by the brother. Some random chick who had been dating the cokehead lover shows up and acts all quirky. Which is apparently just what the husband likes because next thing you know, they are getting cozy at a diner and the quirky chick is talking about fucking. They don't, but she has no problem blackmailing the husband. And I totally skipped over a bunch of stuff there. There's a bank box filled with money, the fact that the father (of the husband and the brother. try to keep up.) had committed suicide, the brother's history of over-reacting to people who fuck with his little bro, the shrink that Little Miss McWhorey is manipulating, and Zach Galligan's fucked up right ear. I'm not kidding, people. He has an extra fold in there that was completely distracting. Major alien ear syndrome.

Predictably enough, the husband and the quirky chick find cokehead lover in the backyard. The husband removes a finger and presents it to the shrink as proof that his wife was trying to kill him. For whatever reason, the shrink doesn't follow through with calling the cops, and instead calls the wife and says he needs to speak with her. Wife shows up and when the shrink doesn't succumb to her ravenous vagina magic, she shoots him. It was actually pretty fucking funny because the recoil knocked her back into the window and she had a hilarious look of shock on her face. Cue the confrontation back the house, brother against brother. Older brother leaves, but doesn't take the cash. The husband mans up and kicks out the wife who gets in the brother's car. Quirky chick shows up and says she didn't want the husband's money and he says "Now's not a good time." Awesome.

And if you're thinking that more people need to die, fear not. The brother, feeling all guilty for fucking the wife and considering stealing the bank box $$$, drives his convertible off the road and manages to flip it over on completely flat ground. Cue Wilhelm Scream, cut back to husband sitting in giant house, hugging a bagful of cash, slightly witty remark is made, end.

I know; words fail you, right? Well, if you have Comcast (sorry, Xfinity) check it out. My slapdash synopsis really doesn't do it justice. Then again, what could?

Boohoohoo

There is something wrong with me (shut up). I have never considered myself an especially patriotic person, or the type to get overly emotionally involved in sports (the exception being my never-quite-good-enough Eagles). Imagine my surprise when I found myself getting all choked up when Lindsay Vonn won her damn gold medal. This wouldn't be such a big deal, but I'm finding this weird emotional shit is showing itself in other ways...like during fucking BMW commercials.

No, I didn't just start bawling or anything, but I'm finding that I am far more susceptible to advertisers' wiles than I ever used to be. And I can't even blame it on being all PMS-y. I'm the person who doesn't cry at movies, or TV shows, or anything really. Two movies my entire life have brought tears to my eyes, and one of them was An American Tail. Yeah, the Fievel movie. What? When he's calling out "Papa! Papa!" I just fell to pieces. The fact that I was about 8 at the time makes no difference. The only other movie to have the effect was Hotel Rwanda. Amazing movie - don't watch it.

I realized a while ago that it's OK to cry at movies and TV shows and the like. Not that anyone had ever told me otherwise. I always felt like crying at entertainment was, dunno, super-girly, and made every effort not to do it. But you know, these actors and directors are trying to entertain you and, sometimes, to move you. If so and so actor has some amazing performance and I feel the tightness building up in my throat and chest, I might let the tears come to my eyes. It's a compliment to the performer and all the others involved in the production. Plus, if something can make me cry, you know there's got to be something there.

This doesn't mean that I'm OK with getting stupidly emotional during adverts. I will do whatever I can to avoid such an occurrence. I blame the Olympics.

In an exciting case of synchronicity, JR: Fact or Crap? Paul McCartney's "Yesterday" was recorded more than 1500 times in 20yrs. Come on! You know you know!

{Insert Clever Title Here}

As you may be aware of, the East Coast got hit with a fairly bad snowstorm this past weekend - and they are saying that we are due for more. Yay. I'm a snow is only for skiing kind of person, especially since my apartment complex is pretty terrible about clearing the parking lot. Really though, that isn't the worst part. The worst part is that a large percentage of my coworkers can't seem to find a topic of conversation other than this pending storm. Yes, having another 8"-12" dumped on us would bite. No, I don't want to volunteer to stay at a local Holiday Inn so I can be shuttled into work on Wednesday. (Yes, my work is really asking people to do that. Joys of working in the medical-ish field.)

Moving right along...

Stupidest thing said during the Super Bowl: He caught that ball with his hands. I do get that the announcer (probably the mostly useless Phil Simms, I don't remember) meant that the receiver didn't catch the ball against his chest, but oy. Also, what the fuck is up with the "stats" that they show for various players? Don't tell me that kicker X is the 4th lowest ranked without also telling me if that is only against other kickers this season, how many total kicks, etc. Is his percentage the 4th lowest? I need all the info or I'm calling bullshit on the NFL stats. Well, I've been calling bullshit all season, but this is the one that sticks from last night.

And next up is...

I watched a fair number of action flicks on Saturday, Blade:Trinity (shut up) being one of those. Question: What happened to the little girl after Jessica Biel's character unchains her? I wouldn't think that stashing her somewhere in a building full of vampires would be a great idea. It really almost would have made more sense to rescue her after neutralizing the threat. But it is, after all, a corny movie based on a comic, so I don't let it bother me.

Back to the Super Bowl...

Specifically, the Audi eco-fascism ad. I have no issue with recycling or fuel-efficiency or resuable coffee cups, but I do have an issue with an eco police state. Yeah yeah, it was supposed to be funny, I get it, but how is being all Big Brother about my trash any better than, well, any other Big Brotherish thing? I don't want any sort of unlimited power monitoring all facets of my life. Y'know, no more than they already are.

1 is the Lonelist #

As anyone with a calendar knows, today is MLK, Jr Day. A day for reflecting upon the strides that were made by one great man and the people who believed in him. A day to remember how hatred can cut a life short. A day...ah, who am I kidding? For most people, today is simply another day not to have work or school. Alas, I am not one of those people. The perils of working in the medical field, however tangentially. Or at least, it is to me. My podmates had the option to take the day off because their subcontractors are off today, and without them, not much work can be done. You know, I have no idea if my subcontractors are off today. I was just told I had to be here. The point of that is this: I am all alone in my pod. Seriously, there isn't anyone within a row of me.

OK, I'm making this sound like I'm more isolated than I am. There are several people within (not my) spitting distance, but I still feel like I've been separated from the rest of the class so I can't be disruptive. Not that I would ever be disruptive...

In nothing to do with anything I've already written about news, I'm supposed to get my car back today. I've left a message with the adjuster to confirm this. I really want that good news or I'm gonna be unhappy.

In additional NTDWAIAWA news, I saw Sherlock Holmes yesterday. There was definitely more fisticuffs than people expect from Holmes - well, Holmes had this sort of slap-fighting thing going on. I'm sure there's an official name for it, but you can't tell me that the mental picture of a scruffy, dissipated Robert Downey Jr doesn't entertain you. I've only recently started reading the original stories, so I'm not going to make a big stink about how it wasn't true to the idea of Holmes. I don't know nothing about that. The only thing I noticed was that Watson made far more Holmesian observations than I've noticed in the source material. I don't know what it was in particular; the 'stache, the hat, the sideburns, but I found Jude Law really attractive in this movie. Which squicks me out for some reason. Maybe because he's a known philanderer. Whatevs. The movie was silly and entertaining and that's all I was really expecting for my $10.

Killing Me With Corniness

My friends and I enjoy watching crappy movies. One example: Christmas Evil. Another example: Killing Me Softly, a fantastically awful movie starring Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes (the one who ISN'T Voldemort). I'm not going to deliver an in-depth plot synopsis here, but I did want to address a user comment/review I read on IMDB. There are a surprising amount, but the one I wanted to comment on said (I paraphrase) women will love this film because of the total commitment Fiennes's character gives to Graham's, and that men fear this. I would like to respectfully disagree; mostly about the women loving it part.

Fiennes's Adam is a closed book. His intensity of feeling for the blandly blonde Alice is perplexing, but I blame that on Graham's acting. She was in a safe and boring relationship with a safe and boring guy and was swept away after an encounter at a street corner with the dark and brooding Adam. He dominates her sexually, which is a matter of preference and not part of my complaint; lays the smack down on a mugger who dares to attack his beloved; doesn't share any of the gory details of his life; etc etc ad nauseum.

I understand crazy sexual attraction. I'm sure there's been a point for many of us where we are swept away by a hormonal tsunami. Or, for the ladies, "dickmatized". People do fucked-up things in the pursuit of poonani, but if you watched a man, your man, beat a mugger half to death, wouldn't you be the slightest bit concerned that his volatile temper could come out on your ass? Would you forgive it if it was part of some sexual role-playing game? Most people (I hope) would not agree to marry him while he still had blood on his hands.

Any guy who watches this movie for relationship tips has deep-seated issues. Yes, some people like BDSM, but it usually doesn't extend past the bedroom (metaphorically speaking). Just because I let you tie me up at home, doesn't mean I want to walk around the streets of Philadelphia in a dog collar.

This movie is based on a book by Nicci French. I couldn't help but wonder if it was a crappy movie based on a crappy book, or if the book fell victim (as so many do) to a terrible screenplay and poor acting. According to many Amazon reviews, the book is pretty good. Many 4 and 5 star reviews. I know this doesn't mean I'd like it, but I'm willing to believe that the author is talented and got screwed by Hollywood. The movie barely has camp value. The only reason to watch this movie is to see Heather Graham's tits, and you can get that from Boogie Nights. At least, I seem to remember that you seem them. It's been a couple of years since I watched that movie so I could be wrong.

Brief Work Rant then GI Joe Review

This is another shout out to my cost-cutting place of employment. Thanks to their penny-pinching, I got coffee on my enrollment forms, my notepad, all over my desk, and I possibly left a trail of coffee droplets from the lunch room to my desk.

If knowledge is power, then know this: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is not a good movie. I didn't even think it was bad enough to be cheesetastic. To spice things up, I suggest smuggling in your alcoholic beverage of choice and taking a slug everytime they refer to their unit/people as "Joes". You'll be unconscious halfway through the movie.

The CGI during the accelerator suit scenes was Spiderman rubbery. The acting should have been so flexible. Dennis Quid was about as poseable as a GI Joe action figure. In Sienna Miller's defense, I could tell she was having a blast playing the bad guy, and she looked pretty hot in her skin-tight black outfit, but (nothing to do with anything) her calves are way too skinny. I did dig on her cool specs though. Channing Tatum isn't hot enough to get away with lousy acting and seeing Marlon Waynes shirtless wasn't anything I had been waiting breathlessly for. I thought Christopher Eccleston was fine, but I'm also enamored of his jug handle ears, so I'm willing to forgive a lot. Anyone psyched by the fact that Dr. Mindbender is in the movie? Yeah, it's a blink and you'll miss it scene. There's a part with the Baroness at the end that everyone I talked to thought was laaaame.

Some of the best scenes were with young Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. Those kids whaled on each other. There is the obligatory training montage for Duke and Ripcord with Rip being cocky and Duke being stubborn. The Scarlett/Rip quasi-romantic subplot (barely deserves the word) wasn't squicky or anything, but you weren't really pulling for those crazy kids. If you want my opinion, and you obviously do since you're reading this, wait for the DVD. If you can't wait, see a matinee.

Harry Potter and Whiny French

I went to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night. I wasn't so excited about the movie that I had gotten tickets in advance; a friend* had an extra and asked if I wanted to go. Sure, why not?

The theater was crowded, as expected. We got there early enough that we found seats together - I even got the aisle (my preferred seating if the theater is packed). Not that any of this is important. There wasn't anything especially interesting trailer-wise. I'm still not sure how I feel about this Sherlock Holmes movie coming out around Christmas. It seems a bit too splosiony.

On to the movie. Visually, the movie was stunning. The colors were amazing and dreamy. There is definitely a thicker thread of darkness woven through this story, anyone who has read the books knows this. Unfortunately, the movie felt choppy and disjointed. The Lavender-Ron ickiness was pretty funny, though I personally think Rupert Grint is a bit too goofy-looking to inspire such maniacal devotion.** But what do I know? The first half to two-thirds of the movie leaned on the comedy, probably to make up for the death and unhappiness in the last part. Jim Broadbent was excellent as Prof. Slughorn and Alan Rickman did his usual creepy awesomeness as Snape. Though the subject material doesn't leave much room for the actors to stretch, Daniel Radcliffe did manage to add some dimension to Harry. Still young and uncertain, but trying very hard to grow up and face his destiny. I may be biased because I had the squirmy urge throughout the film to bite on Radcliffe's stubborn little chin (What? He's 19).

Dumbledore's death didn't really have much emotional impact for me. I'll admit that I flinched a bit when Snape Avada Kedavra'd Dumbledore, but I wasn't even close to tears during the weird "wands-aloft" scene. It's been a while since I've read the book, but I think that Dumbledore's funeral, as written, would have had more emotional impact. Not to mention, it's also where Ron and Hermione grow closer and Harry has his conversation with Ginny about searching for the remaining Horcruxes. The scene in the tower was just awkward.

It probably seems like I hated the movie, but I didn't. Knowing the story ahead of time, not to mention knowing how the whole shebang ends, makes the movie-going experience a little less...something.

This isn't all about Harry, though. I read an article yesterday about France and Sunday shopping. Apparently there has been a law on the books for around 100 years that makes Sunday a mandatory day of rest in France. Had no idea. Anyway, it looks like there are going to be more stores open on Sundays and some Frenchies are pissed. They say that having shopping (or trading) available on Sundays makes materialism more important than family values. I say, don't bloody well go shopping then. Just because the stores are open doesn't mean your government is going to march you out and make you buy shoes. Stay home, chill with your family, have a nice lunch. If you do that, then you can look down your aquiline French sniffer at the base consumers who decide that wandering around the shops on Sunday is a nice way to spend an afternoon.

But get this: workers can refuse Sunday hours. And in certain cities (Paris, for one) will get double OT for working Sundays. So, optional Sunday hours and double OT to boot. That actually sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. Work a couple of weeks of Sundays and you could have enough money to take a trip to America where we are open 24-hrs a day, 7 days a week. Suck on that.

*The friend I went to see the movie with made comments during the film in something approaching her normal speaking volume. Very annoying and exceptionally noticeable as the theater was remarkably quiet for being 95% full. I did shush her at one point, but it didn't take. **Also, Rupert Grint is far more attractive in the EW photo spread I just looked through. They must do something to goofify him for the movies. Poor ginger dude.

A Thursday That's a Friday Randomness

It is a sad, sad day when the thing that generates the most excitement is a fire drill. The biggest differences between a drill at work and the ones I remember from school are that A) I can smoke while we are outside, and B) it doesn't matter who I stand with once I've checked in with my fire marshal.

There is definitely a pre-holiday vibe happening today. Management generously (ha) allowed us to treat today as a Friday, minus the usual Friday bagels (which is a point of contention). So it's jeans and sneaks. Or, in the case of my one coworker, a tube dress and flip flops.

I'm sure some of you were hoping for a Transformers movie review, but the whole thing smeared together and has all but faded from my mind. There was robot-on-robot action, robot-on-Shia action, robots embodying stupid racial stereotypes, evil human-hating robots, military dudes dropping corny one-liners, John Turturro in a thong (really), crashbangboomLinkinParkloopyShiahotMeganFoxlalalalalalalalalacrashwhacktheend. It made me want to drive home very fast and punch things.

That's really all I've got for now. I should go back to my DE and hope that 5 o'clock comes quickly.

A Post Just So I Can Say I Posted

I don't really have anything specific to write about...nothing new there. I guess the most exciting? interesting? good? news is that I'm starting to come out of the funk that has plagued me for the last six weeks. It's not that I haven't had my low points before; they just usually happen in the fall/winter months. I think this one hit harder because I'm used to being far cheerier (as far as that word can be applied to me) in the spring/summer months.

Quick poll: Who has a Wii? Those of you who raised a hand: Who finds that they try way too hard when playing games like Mario Slugger and have shoulder pain the next day? *cheepcheep Just me, huh? I don't know what it is about that stupid console but if there is throwing or batting involved, I'm going all out. It's the same with Mortal Kombat. I will twirl and kick and punch. Star Wars - I will attack you with my plastic lightsaber. Most of these games don't actually require you to move that much, but I suppose that moderation has never been my watchword. I would just hate to have to go to my doc with a raging case of Wii elbow.

Let's see...I think my pen pal is bored with me. As I wasn't expecting him to stay in contact after he got home, I'm not really all that bummed out about it. I provided a service and he no longer needs it. Honestly, I was surprised he emailed me at all after getting home. Anyway, I wish him well.

There's a project at work that I'm supposed to be getting trained on but something keeps thwarting my (tiny) efforts to get logged in. Which is fine by me. If Stoneface wasn't such an ass, I wouldn't be doing a job that the company wanted to hire someone full-time to do. Stupid pharma wouldn't lay out the $$$. Bitches.

There's a movie coming out this Friday that I'm super excited about. It's called Moon and it stars Sam Rockwell. Look at me! I'm the next IMDB! Anyway, the movie looks creepy and cool and I can't wait. Hopefully I'll be able to post a review. Not that reviews are my strong suit. I'm not one for analyzing stuff. I was the kid in English class who said "How do you know that's what the author meant? Did you ask him? Maybe the room is just where she likes to sit and isn't a metaphor for her being imprisoned in her delusions."

I told you I had nothing much.

Star Trek Review

Fellow nerds rejoice! The new Star Trek movie doesn't suck! Spoilers ahoy.

I took in an 11pm screening of the movie Saturday night. I was accompanied by my pop, my gay-BFF and his boyf. And yes, I was one of approximately 10 girls in the theater. That's cool; I like being in the minority.

Just a couple of points to address before I get into this: I was never an original Trekkie. My preferences were for TNG and the first 2 seasons of Voyager. I hate Wrath of Khan because of the ear bug incident. I'm not here to argue canon. As the movie points out, this is an AU situation here, people. Which conveniently opens things up for a whole slew of new movies that can boldly go in new directions.

I don't have any major objections to the casting. I did feel that Zoe Saldana's Uhuru was a little too sharp-edged, but there's definitely room for growth and you got flashes of her softer side in scenes with Zachary Quinto as Spock. Whose pointy-eared babies I would have. If I wanted babies.

Chis Pine does an adequate job of portraying a conflicted, cocky, underachieving Kirk. He leans a little too much towards cocky and unlikable, but gets the pudding beat out of him on many occasions, so that's good. Also, take notice of a recurring theme of dangling over a deadly drop. I was a little skeptical that Kirk's conviction and passion would trump Starfleet regs, but I'll let it go. I knew there would have to be some suspension of disbelief. Like Spock stranding Kirk on the ice planet. Dude, there's a brig for a reason. Also, how could such a large predator survive on an ice planet? What the hell does it eat? It can't possibly live off of stranded Starfleet cadets.

Eric Bana's Nero is a villain of few words but many scowls. His enormous, pointy, well-armed mining ship seems able to survive an exploding starship but lacks in the plumbing department. For some reason, there is standing water all over the place. And wires. Seems like an electrocution is just around the corner. Did like the uniforms though. I'll take a trench and combat boots over a goldenrod team jersey.

One of the good things about the movie is that you don't feel that any of the actors are trying to ape their predecessors. John Cho doesn't try to imitate George Takei's baritone and Simon Pegg's Scottish accent is much clearer.

There are definitely bits in there for the old school Trekkies. "Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a (whatever)." The Vulcan neck pinch and mind meld make appearances as well.

All in all, a good reboot. Here's hoping that this iteration of Trek can keep things fresh.

I Watched the Watchmen

After a solid eight hours of sleep and a fresh cup of coffee at my side, I feel ready to discuss the Watchmen movie. It was, in a word, boring.

It pains me to admit this. I have a great appreciation for the graphic novel and yes, Zack Snyder was slavishly devoted to the look of the novel, but I'm going to have to agree with those that said Watchmen is/was unfilmable.

The cast was solid. Jackie Earle Haley was excellent as Rorschach, and I felt that Patrick Wilson played schlubby Dan Dreiberg well. Matthew Goode (Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias) projected a creepy calm zealotry, if that's at all possible. However, his Brit accent started slipping in rather badly toward the end of the movie. I don't know enough about Malin Akerman to decide if her acting was above or below standard, but I didn't hate her as Laurie.

Most of the fight scenes; Dan and Laurie in the alley and at the prison especially, are interspersed with other scenes. After all, there was no way to make the movie completely linear without it being even longer than the 2hr40min it was. If you've seen 300, you know that Snyder has a fondness for sped up, slowed down fights. After a while, it got old seeing some thug, or masked hero, flipping slowly through the air and landing heavily on his back. Also in keeping with the novel, there is a lot of violence but very little actual gore. Dr. Manhattan's splatter power isn't so much gross as it is sudden.

Much of the film was talky. This format works fine in comics where the actual action is limited and more needs to be explained verbally, but in a movie, a comic book/action movie? Snore.

Yes, there is some sex. I was in a very giggly theater (teehee, boobies!) so when Dan and Laurie are going to it, I was surrounded by the nevous laughter of kids whose curfew apparently isn't midnight. Yes, we see Malin Akerman's boobies and Wilson's tushie, but unless you're easily offended by nudity, none of it was gratuitous.

Since I didn't have high hopes for this film, I'm not disappointed at how it turned out. I respect the decision to keep the story set in 1985 and it is a good thing that Snyder didn't attempt to incorporate "The Black Freighter" or the "Under the Hood" story lines. That would have made the film a huge mess. I will be renting the DVD release they did for "The Black Freighter".

If you have a spare 3hrs, a strong bladder, and a fondness for stylized violence go see Watchmen. Otherwise, go pick up the graphic novel. I believe the story is much easier to deal with if you can flip back and see things you missed, or stop for a moment to contemplate the layers and how everything comes together. Plus, it costs you nothing to reread the book. With today's movie prices, who wants to pay for a second veiwing in the theater?