One Has Nothing To Do With The Other

Four people in the last 5 or so days have commented on my weight - in a good way. For the record, I haven't lost any weight recently. At least, that's according to the scale and my ego-crushing Wii. Whatever the cause, it's nice to hear. I think I got the comment today because, for once, I'm wearing nothing remotely baggy. And my ensemble is all black, which everyone knows knocks about 5lbs off. To say nothing of my kick-ass motorcycle/cowboy boots which draw the eye downward (and give me a nice swagger too!).

In "oops, that was embarrassing news" I managed to let out a sizable fart at my desk. The kind that flaps your ass cheeks. The bitch of it is, I don't know how audible it was as I was A) coughing and B) wearing my headset. My neighbor didn't recoil in massive disgust, but she's a pretty cool chick, so maybe she chose not to draw attention to my flatulence. As I didn't immediately pass out from the odor, I guess I got lucky this time.

image courtesy of flowtv.org who got it somewhere else, i'm sure

A Post Just So I Can Say I Posted

I don't really have anything specific to write about...nothing new there. I guess the most exciting? interesting? good? news is that I'm starting to come out of the funk that has plagued me for the last six weeks. It's not that I haven't had my low points before; they just usually happen in the fall/winter months. I think this one hit harder because I'm used to being far cheerier (as far as that word can be applied to me) in the spring/summer months.

Quick poll: Who has a Wii? Those of you who raised a hand: Who finds that they try way too hard when playing games like Mario Slugger and have shoulder pain the next day? *cheepcheep Just me, huh? I don't know what it is about that stupid console but if there is throwing or batting involved, I'm going all out. It's the same with Mortal Kombat. I will twirl and kick and punch. Star Wars - I will attack you with my plastic lightsaber. Most of these games don't actually require you to move that much, but I suppose that moderation has never been my watchword. I would just hate to have to go to my doc with a raging case of Wii elbow.

Let's see...I think my pen pal is bored with me. As I wasn't expecting him to stay in contact after he got home, I'm not really all that bummed out about it. I provided a service and he no longer needs it. Honestly, I was surprised he emailed me at all after getting home. Anyway, I wish him well.

There's a project at work that I'm supposed to be getting trained on but something keeps thwarting my (tiny) efforts to get logged in. Which is fine by me. If Stoneface wasn't such an ass, I wouldn't be doing a job that the company wanted to hire someone full-time to do. Stupid pharma wouldn't lay out the $$$. Bitches.

There's a movie coming out this Friday that I'm super excited about. It's called Moon and it stars Sam Rockwell. Look at me! I'm the next IMDB! Anyway, the movie looks creepy and cool and I can't wait. Hopefully I'll be able to post a review. Not that reviews are my strong suit. I'm not one for analyzing stuff. I was the kid in English class who said "How do you know that's what the author meant? Did you ask him? Maybe the room is just where she likes to sit and isn't a metaphor for her being imprisoned in her delusions."

I told you I had nothing much.

A Few Thing I Learned This Weekend

Vomiting sun-dried tomatoes is really disconcerting.

While I had a pretty good time Saturday, I'm not all about hanging out in a super crowded bar. It's barely even worth it for the people-watching.

Miller Lite is not an acceptable alternative to my beloved Yuengling.

Wearing my shell-tops Saturday night was the smartest idea I had all day. Maybe all week.

Cursing in Spanish is not acceptable. I still got pinched.

I'm not very good at silly little Wii games but it doesn't stop me from playing them.

The Hard Rock Cafe is just a touristy version of TGI Fridays. With louder music.

"Leather pants! Leather PANTS!"

"#1 Grad" looks exactly like "It's my birthday".

It's never a good idea to read the first of two books if you can't immediately lay hands on the second one.

A meatloaf sandwich is almost as good as a Whopper with cheese as a hangover cure.

A tube of ridiculously expensive (but awesome-smelling) lotion is an acceptable alternative to therapy. With more immediate results.

The Wii Fit Hates Me

My parents decided to get a Wii as a family Christmas gift. My dad has a fondness for video games and my mom was interested in the Wii Fit (to be referred to as "the fucking thing") so it seemed like a good idea. It took until now to obtain a Fit and I helped my dad set it up last night.

You get to use a Mii you have created and it runs you through a set up where you enter your age and height. Then the fucking thing calculates your BMI and adjusts your Mii to represent how fat the fucking thing thinks you are. Right now, my Mii is a chubster. The fucking thing says I'm obese.

Next comes a balance test. The fucking thing figures out where your weight is distributed and then makes snarky comments if you aren't perfectly aligned. The fucking thing asked me if I often find myself tripping over my feet. No I bloody well don't, you fucking thing!

Then you set a 2 week goal (ie, 4lbs in 2wks) and choose a trainer. The dude is wearing some snug bike shorts and the woman has the weirdest looking boobs I've ever seen. Also, the lips don't really move when they speak and the gestures used to sync up with what they are saying. I decided to do the yoga. The fucking thing runs you through a few basic yoga positions. It encourages you to breathe and all seems fine until...the balance circle pops up. The balance circle is a small yellow circle that has a small red dot in it. Your goal is to keep the red dot within the circle. The trainer will say things like "Good balance" or more likely "Looks like you're a little shaky". Of course I'm a little shaky, you fucking thing. I'm standing on one foot, trying to keep my fat body aligned properly so my stupid red dot doesn't go outside the shitty yellow circle.

Once you're done the exercise (each one ran about 2 min), you get points for how good your balance was. Oh, if you fall over, you get no points. It even has a ranking screen so you can judge yourself against your friends and family. What a lovely concept. As an incentive, you get an exercise bank and it banks your minutes. Not quite sure what I'm supposed to do with that, but the fucking thing seems to think it is a great motivator.

Yes, I know it's a machine and it isn't really being malicious, but there's nothing like looking at a fat cartoon version of yourself in exercise clothes. Hopefully my mom will enjoy using it.