14 October 2008

Where I Use The Hyphenate "Double-standard" Too Many Times

For most of my adult life I have firmly believed that men and women could get along if only they communicated better. I thought that the whole Mars/Venus dichotomy was complete bullshit, and that half the reason there were problems between the sexes was because there was far too much focus on the differences. Men and women are made up of the same things. Sure, those building blocks are present in different quantities, but it's the same junk, right? I'm starting to think that I am living in the worst kind of fantasy land.

It is becoming clear to me that the differences, while not more numerous than I thought, are weighted far more heavily than the similarities. Certain stereotypes are so far ingrained into the fabric of society that I don't believe that they will ever go away. And yes, I understand that stereotypes can come from truth, but they are often born from rumors. Studies have shown (no, I don't have a citation right now) that black men do not automatically have giant dicks, but I know many black men who are perfectly willing to embrace that bit of folklore. Blondes are not dumber than brunettes or redheads, men WILL ask for directions, women get pissed off or upset about things that have NOTHING to do with their menstrual cycle, black people DO know how to swim, gay men aren't all femmes, lesbians aren't all about flannel...you've heard them all.

The problem is that people go first to the stereotypes because it's the easiest solution. Is your girlfriend crying for no obvious reason? It is possible that she just had a lousy day and needs to release that pressure somehow. I have friends that cry about everything. It's simply their way of letting it out. Yes, I have a male friend who likes dick. I can assure you that he isn't a make-up wearing member of the lavender mafia and there is nothing limp about his wrist.

Look, I know that I'm not saying anything you haven't heard countless times before. But I have always hoped that this stuff would matter less and less over time. And as I'm looking back over this post, I realize that I have gotten completely side-tracked. I did want to talk about communication between the sexes, but I wanted to touch on the double-standard.

We all know what a double-standard is so I'm not going to give examples. Double-standards chap my ass like latex underpants. I try (focus on the try) to avoid them myself, but I know there have been times I've thought "Well, that's OK for me, but not for you." Large-scale double-standards lead to the -isms: racism, sexism, ageism, etc. Again, you already know all this. My point is that double-standards are a rather large block to this easy communication between the sexes that I believe is possible.

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