Doubtful, equivocal, fluctuating, inconclusive, irresolute, mixed, uncertain, undecided, vacillating, warring, wavering

OK, for serious people - what the fuck is wrong with me? Wait, wait, before you offer up suggestions, allow me to be more specific.

I saw K last night. It was mostly a repeat of Friday night with one distinct difference: I didn't have the giddy, shaky, OMG, I MADE OUT!!!!11! feeling I had Friday after K left. I don't know if it is because the novelty wore off that quickly, or if it is because I got my make-out fix and I'm good for a while or what. I understand that the first flush of infatuation can pass in a blink, but one time? Really?

Maybe it was his refusal to have the sex. I do respect his decision to wait, but dammit, I need cock! He may prefer to take it slow physically, but I'm all about taking it slow emotionally. Don't love me - fuck me. Sure, sure, K says he has had bad experiences with being physically intimate quickly, but don't judge me on your past experiences. Stop laughing. I know everyone does this - yes, everyone, but it still chaps my ass. I do the best I can to separate my past from my present and future. I'm sure it's been mixed results regarding the success of that effort.

K has also taken to sending me "xoxo" texts. I feel that it is way too soon for "xoxo" texts. While his enthusiasm is flattering, I'm a little turned off by the overeager puppy vibe. He says that I'm the one good thing he has to look forward to (we have dinner planned for Friday). Dude, I'm really sorry you got laid off and a summons for jury duty, but please don't put the burden of your happiness on my shoulders. I did not want to go from single to smothered in one easy step. It's too soon to be all tentacle-y.

I realize that I'm being awful picky and ambivalent. I was all about him right up until he came over last night. I still wanted to make-out with him, but that could be because I'm still filling those tanks. He is sweet and nice and smart and occasionally funny. We like a lot of the same things. He's a decent kisser and not shy about telling me what he wants and very eager to please. He likes my cooking and can pick out an acceptable bottle of wine. What's the problem? Is it that he's not normally someone I'd be attracted to? Physically, I mean. Dunno. All I do know is that I need to figure out how I'm going to deal with this. Knowing me, I'll decide tomorrow to tell him it's not gonna happen, and then want him back on Wednesday. Welcome to my life.