03 November 2008

Second Chances

As little as I am attracted to K, there is part of me that feels bad for not giving him more of a chance. 'Cause, honestly, there's nothing seriously wrong with him. And even though our date was pretty boring, it wasn't a disaster.

I wonder why I feel any sort of obligation. Sure, I don't want to hurt his feelings any more than I have to - because face it, rejecting him at any point from here on out is going to hurt his feelings - but his happiness isn't my responsibility. Am I falling into the "Fuck, I'm 30 and single and what if I never find anyone and is it really settling?" trap? Do I have some sort of duty to dig as deep as I can before I make a decision? Why am I such a victim of society's need to see me partnered?

Actually, I'm not a victim. There isn't anyone who is pushing me to pair up. My friends offer to/wish they could set me up, but that's because I've expressed a desire to be in a relationship. My parents don't skulk around, wishing loudly for grandchildren. I'm comfortable with the idea that a person doesn't need to be in a relationship to be happy, but I can't quite make myself believe that I wouldn't be happier with a Stimpy to my Ren.

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