You know how you get a song, or a snippet of a song, stuck in your head? The same few words and notes circling around and around and around? Until you feel like your ears are going to bleed as your brain runs in clumpy streams from your nose? That sucks, right? At least when that happens you can sometime rid yourself of the earworm by listening to the song in question or by replacing it with another.
Unfortunately, that is not my problem. My problem is as follows: It has been about 2 weeks since I got blown off by the boilermaker and I can't. Stop. Thinking. About. Him. I'm not kidding here, folks. In the morning before work, outside on my breaks, at home on the computer, in bed falling asleep. It's making me crazy.
Was I so excited by the possibility of a relationship that I grabbed way too hard onto nothing? Or was he really that kind of special and I'm feeling the loss in a way most irritating? I'm sure some of it has to do with the dissatisfying way things ended. There was no closure, no explanation. Something happened around the start of the Flyers game on Saturday that turned everything around.
There has been some temptation to contact him and ask him what the fuck happened. I know some of my friends are almost as interested in the answer to that as I am. I didn't at first because I wasn't prepared to hear him say all the bad stuff I was thinking. Stuff like: it was my fault for being crazy (which I wasn't but most people aren't super rational right after being binned). I don't remember, or refuse to impart here, the other things I thought.
Am I ready to hear why now? Do I risk the contact and the attendant anxiety while I wait for a reply? Because we all know that there's a very good chance that he won't bother. I mean, he wouldn't man up to say that he wasn't feeling it anymore - why would this be any different?
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