I Watched the Watchmen

After a solid eight hours of sleep and a fresh cup of coffee at my side, I feel ready to discuss the Watchmen movie. It was, in a word, boring.

It pains me to admit this. I have a great appreciation for the graphic novel and yes, Zack Snyder was slavishly devoted to the look of the novel, but I'm going to have to agree with those that said Watchmen is/was unfilmable.

The cast was solid. Jackie Earle Haley was excellent as Rorschach, and I felt that Patrick Wilson played schlubby Dan Dreiberg well. Matthew Goode (Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias) projected a creepy calm zealotry, if that's at all possible. However, his Brit accent started slipping in rather badly toward the end of the movie. I don't know enough about Malin Akerman to decide if her acting was above or below standard, but I didn't hate her as Laurie.

Most of the fight scenes; Dan and Laurie in the alley and at the prison especially, are interspersed with other scenes. After all, there was no way to make the movie completely linear without it being even longer than the 2hr40min it was. If you've seen 300, you know that Snyder has a fondness for sped up, slowed down fights. After a while, it got old seeing some thug, or masked hero, flipping slowly through the air and landing heavily on his back. Also in keeping with the novel, there is a lot of violence but very little actual gore. Dr. Manhattan's splatter power isn't so much gross as it is sudden.

Much of the film was talky. This format works fine in comics where the actual action is limited and more needs to be explained verbally, but in a movie, a comic book/action movie? Snore.

Yes, there is some sex. I was in a very giggly theater (teehee, boobies!) so when Dan and Laurie are going to it, I was surrounded by the nevous laughter of kids whose curfew apparently isn't midnight. Yes, we see Malin Akerman's boobies and Wilson's tushie, but unless you're easily offended by nudity, none of it was gratuitous.

Since I didn't have high hopes for this film, I'm not disappointed at how it turned out. I respect the decision to keep the story set in 1985 and it is a good thing that Snyder didn't attempt to incorporate "The Black Freighter" or the "Under the Hood" story lines. That would have made the film a huge mess. I will be renting the DVD release they did for "The Black Freighter".

If you have a spare 3hrs, a strong bladder, and a fondness for stylized violence go see Watchmen. Otherwise, go pick up the graphic novel. I believe the story is much easier to deal with if you can flip back and see things you missed, or stop for a moment to contemplate the layers and how everything comes together. Plus, it costs you nothing to reread the book. With today's movie prices, who wants to pay for a second veiwing in the theater?