I have a friend who is going through a rough patch. A few months ago he had to decide whether to stay in the noble state of Kentucky and persue his dream, or put the dream on hold and come home to Philly to get his shit together. After a week spent in a motel in the less noble state of West Virginia, he chose to pack his bags and come back to the land of cheesesteaks and disappointing sports teams.
It was nice to have him home. We were the kind of friends who saw each other about once a month and it usually involved a movie. We didn't have deep and meaningful conversations and I know embarassingly little about his life. Yet, there was something there that kept us together. Maybe it was my willingness to let him make fun of me, I don't know. When asked to describe him, the phrase "charming bastard" comes to mind. It's a good thing I definitely don't want to date him.
We were supposed to have dinner last night and I sent him a text message asking if we were still on. A bit later, I received a message saying that he was dealing with some stuff and wouldn't be over for a while. Call me naive, but I took this to mean that he meant he wouldn't be over until 8 or so. Um, not so much, as I was to discover.
I was killing time on the internet and clicked over to MySpace. I checked to see if any of my friends had updated their profiles. Sure enough, there is a new blog post from my charming bastard. Ultra-condensed version: he's going into seclusion until he can find enjoyment in the little things again.
I'll admit to having slight abandoment issues. In the space of 2 years, I had two people I considered my close friends stop talking to me for no apparent reason. The second friend to do this had the courtesy to send me a letter. Thanks, chica. I feel better about the whole thing.
I understand that most (if not every) person needs alone time. What bothers me is that neither of those people thought that I would understand that. Actually, wait, I shouldn't make it about me. I know the 2nd friend was having issues with her husband and I had nothing to do with that. I still haven't the foggiest clue as to why the 1st person decided to ignore my calls.
What I think I'm getting at is this: If we are truly friends, you will know that, even if I don't understand why, I will honor a request for some downtime. I like to be able to help my friends, but sometimes even the most well-meaning help isn't what is needed or wanted. If you ultimately decide that you can't be friends with me, fine. It'll hurt for a while, but time heals and all that bullshit.
I'm not asking for consideration of my feelings over yours; I'm just asking for a heads-up. Text, email, voicemail, whatever - I'm not hard to get in touch with. So, best of luck with your soul-searching and I hope you come back soon.
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