03 June 2008

Dirty Talk

A friend of mine just asked me if there is such a thing as "a beating with love." Before anyone goes off all half-cocked (or fully-cocked), we were talking about S&M. Let me start by explaining where the question came from.

I had to call maintenance (again) last night because a pipe was leaking in my bathroom ceiling. I had decided that nice wasn't cutting it. My friend made a comment about me issuing the maintenance man a good smackdown - he'd maybe even enjoy it. I said that the kind of beating I wanted to do came from a different place.

Anyway, back to the question. In the S&M arena, it's not so much a "beating with love" as it is a "love of beating," or "love to be beaten." For whatever reasons, some people veer towards rougher, or kinkier sex. Of course, kinky is subjective. I may like fingernails and a little hair-pulling while you think having your dog lick cake batter off of you is a good way to spend your Saturday. I would RSVP "no" to that invite, but I don't care if you do it.

The right kind of pain can enhance a sexual experience. Some of the best sex I can remember having involved teeth, fingernails, and an enormous hickey. I could hardly walk the next day but it was worth it. (Note: I am NOT a hickey fan. That was an exception.) I've also had a guy flinch away at the merest bite of my short fingernails. This isn't to say that the sex wasn't good - I simply had to adapt my style so everyone involved had a good time.

I think there has been a change over the last couple of decades. What used to be secret and dirty is now far more publicly acceptable. It probably has something to do with our society, despite remaining remarkably Victorian about sex, is being more open about what happens behind closed doors. People write books, blogs, magazine articles about sex. Sex is in movies, TV shows, advertising, and talked about on the radio. It can be a real bitch-slap when you're not getting any and you are surrounded by people having sex.

While I may enjoy a bit of the rough stuff in the bedroom, I don't get off on (wanting) to beat people when I am pissed off. If I did, I'd have a DSM-IV label slapped on my ass so fast. If two people want to go beyond missionary, that's up to them. Start a website! Make videos! Who cares?

2 comments:

  1. You certainly have far more interesting conversations than I do. Good to know there are more warped minds out there...

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  2. and that one was fairly tame...

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